Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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