If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
