I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the day after is always just damage control
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
