i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
