I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
