I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
