Dude my mom stole all your condoms
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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