i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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