Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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