I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
