look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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