I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
