Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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