Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
