seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
