i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it hurts more in the daytime
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
