dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
