I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
