I want to stick my p in your. b.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
