Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize