Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
