Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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