I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
