WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
