We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
