She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
