planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
