Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
