so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
