But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
