doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize