a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
