hotel room ftw
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
