I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
