Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
