Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
