the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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