I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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