Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
