Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
