wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize