You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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