If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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