Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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