woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize