Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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