idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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