I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
