btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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