i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
