last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
