enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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