Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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