just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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