my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
