i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm both gender and math confused
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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