I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
