I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found puke in my bra..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize