Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
