I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
