was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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