I wish I could teleport
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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