I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
