I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
