I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
