Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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