I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
