i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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