her vagina looked like bernie madoff
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
