You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
