elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
