She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
