it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
