Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How external is "for external use only"?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize