peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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