giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
