how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
