So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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