It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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