I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
