and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
