Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
