he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize