Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
