Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
