Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
