i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
