She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
