found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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