Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
