I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I FOUND THE LEGS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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