you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
