I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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