I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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