so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
