billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
