my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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