I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
