just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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