Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
