dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
