i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
