I haven't been this sober since birth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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