it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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