if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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