even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
