Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
