Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
