yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
