Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
